"Yes, Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus"

My Dear Daughter,

Santa sent me a picture of the stocking he plans to give you this year. I'm sorry to spoil the surprise for you, but Santa really wanted me to share this with my friends.

Since you are a grown adult, I think it is time to talk to you about the facts of life. Santa sends me a bill every year for the things he leaves in your stocking. This year's bill is about $5. I know you are worth more than that, but there is an economic crisis occurring in this country. And I'm sure Santa will leave more goodies for you in your stocking. He tells me the elves are busy shopping...oops, I mean, making your other things. If you don't want to further ruin your Christmas, don't look at the picture below because it shows EVERYTHING in your stocking.

Just so you know, Santa and I are not implying that you have bad breath, your hair is greasy, your legs are hairy, you smell or your skin is dry. We just thought it would be nice to give you things that you use.

It is probably time to let you in on a few other family secrets...Uncle Sam really isn't your uncle, Lady GaGa really isn't a lady and the Tooth Fairy, well, don't get me started on her. If you can handle the truth, next week I promise to tell you where those pretty eggs come from that the Easter Bunny leaves you.

Call me after your therapy appointment,
Mommy Dearest

P.S. Santa really needs to make a bigger stocking.


shaving cream, razor, socks, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, body lotion, wind chimes, Neosporin lip therapy, toothbrush, hairspray, hair gel, toothpaste, floss, deodorant, foundation, nail polish, chap stick, mascara, concealer, lip gloss, face moisturizer, face wash, arch supports, soap, emery boards, hand sanitizer and contact lens solution